So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
