i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
