Old men and throwing up are my life now.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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