I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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