my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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