he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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