there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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