This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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