I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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