Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
