no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
