I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
