I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
