please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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