i permit you to call me
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
