Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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