Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
