So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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