3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
