As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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