I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
