Joe is yelling at the trees again.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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