Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
