I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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