im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
