You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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