You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
