There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
