I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
