somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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