well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Blow job season was short but glorious.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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