We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
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