I look better un-naked...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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