I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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