so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
