If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
