I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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