I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
