come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
