Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
