He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
