Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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