Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
