yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
