he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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