Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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