I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
