I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
