One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
