I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
