hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
