Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
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i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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