just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
