My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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