now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
