Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
