Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
