i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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