just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He passed out mid-signature
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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