When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
