first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
