FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
