I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I am midnight drunk by noon
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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