So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
