Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
