It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just had sex on a roof
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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