I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
