hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
