Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so let's talk penis.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
