just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
