Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
