I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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