he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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